Don't Ask For The Water
by Kaia Mariacle1
Summary: I'm going on a picnic, and I'm bringing a secret. *Slash warning: eastablished m/m relationship*


Don't Ask For The Water

Author: Kaia Mariacle

Disclaimer: Not mine. Title is courtesy of Ryan Adams -it has almost nothing to do with the story, I just love Mr. Adams.

Rating: PG-13

Category: Clark/Lex; established relationship; complete foofy fluff.

Summary: "I'm going on a picnic, and I'm bringing a secret......"

Author's Notes: This is my little AU, and damned if I'll let any reality bleed it's way into my obsessive mind! In other words, what would happen if I ruled all that is bald, suave and extremely sexy, and young, delicious, looks way too sexy in jeans and a tee.

  
  


****************************************************************************

Sometimes teenagers can be so blind to what's right in front of them. When perfection stares them in the face, stammers, and blushes, they turn and walk away.

  
  


It's extremely upsetting, but also wonderful for the rest of us who know a good thing when we see it. Who are smart enough to reach out and grab said perfection when we stumble upon it.

  
  


Or speed into it with our car as the case may be.

  
  


I'm sure you're wondering who this paragon of perfection is. Am I right?

  
  


He just so happens to go by the seemingly plain name of Clark. Clark Kent to be precise. Or as I like to call him -God. But that usually only happens during our more......intimate......moments.

  
  


Ah those 'intimate moments'......they're so....mmmmm.

  
  


*cough*

  
  


Excuse me, I got a little caught up in the moment. 

  
  


Anyway.

  
  


So here we were, 'pretending' that our relationship was that of just friends. And sipping coffee on a nice, cozy blanket inside of the local Smallville park, having fun, staring at each other with smoldering eyes.

  
  


And then his friends showed up.

  
  


And then his family showed up.

  
  


And the entire town showed up, which includes a certain Ms. Lana Lang that we all know he was crazy about at one time. 

  
  


Now don't get me wrong, I adore Lana. She's like a breath of......umm...fresh *cough* stale *cough* air. And yeah, she's got that perky breast thing going for her. 

  
  


But I can tell you, breasts are definitely =not= Clark's favorite part of the body. 

  
  


At all.

  
  


*sigh*

  
  


So we're all sitting in a crowded little circle. Lana and I on either side of Clark, Chloe -who's such a wonderfully wry girl- and Pete. Clark's parents were busy handing out hot dogs and hamburgers to the townspeople. 

  
  


And that's when the 'lovely' Lana decided to make a play for my Clark.

  
  


Which led me to revert to my old ways for a moment.

  
  


And led to the cat scratching it's way out of the proverbial bag.

  
  


And then........

  
  


Maybe you should see for yourselves.......

  
  


************************************

  
  


"God Chloe, could you be more pessimistic?" Pete's eyes grew as Clark berated the young blonde sharply.

  
  


Chloe shook her head, "I'm just saying, gay relationships never survive in small towns. There's just too many narrow-minded people." She stated strongly. "It's an awful truth."

  
  


Clark shook his head, leaning into Lex's should. Oblivious to Lana's moving body, as she slid closer to him. "That's bullshit!" 

  
  


Everyone stared at the normally quiet Clark, jaws hitting the floor as the curse erupted form his mouth. Everyone but Lex, who just stared at his lover. Thinking gloomily that there =was= a grain of truth in the girls' words. 

  
  


Clark kneeled up suddenly, his hand wrapped tightly around Lex's shoulder. "I can't believe that you're-"

  
  


"-I think she's right, Clark." Lana cut in, nudging closer to the brunette's legs. "Gay relationships could never survive in Smallville." She shook her head, "There's too many bigoted people here." She smiled up at him, waiting for him to agree.

  
  


Clark exhaled roughly, and looked down at her. "Lana I-"

  
  


"Clark!" Jonathan Kent's voice trailed loudly to where the teenagers -with the exception of Lex- sat, "Come help your mother carry these boxes of buns over to the grill."

  
  


The teenage boy stood up quickly, and stomped over to his parents, angry that his quest for understanding had been interrupted. "Sure dad," he grumbled.

  
  


His remaining friends -and lover- sat in their circle, now silent. Contemplating what could have made Clark so angry.

  
  


All but Lex, who was busy watching Lana drool all over =his= Clark.

  
  


"So Lana..." The brunette looked up at Lex, smiling widely as she stared at Clark's fabulous derriere out of the corner of her eye. "How's Whitney?"

  
  


Expecting a frown -because God knows the Lana/Whitney breakup hadn't been an amicable one- he was confused as the already blinding smile grew.

  
  


"We broke up, now I can...." Her head turned towards Clark, and her eyes sparkled. "Move onto to bigger and better things." 

  
  


Lex glared at her calculating expression.

  
  


"Lana...I don't think that's such a good idea." His normally smooth tone revealed slight hints of an enraged interior. "Clark might not-"

  
  


"-would you mind getting me some water, Lex?" Lana interrupted rudely, still looking back at Clark's rippling arms. 

  
  


Lex quickly stood, hands fisted as he strode away from the present object of his loathing. He'd really liked Lana before. But now she was getting a little too caught up in what was Lex's job -Clark watching. He smiled suddenly, not that he could blame her, Clark was definite eye candy.

  
  


But this problem had to be stopped. 

  
  


"Hmm....." Lex reached into his pocket as the friendly drink vendor poured him a glass of water. He smiled up at her, and quickly, as she turned away, he poured the contents from his pocket into the glass. As he shook it to dilute the substance he'd put in, his warm smile turned scheming.

  
  


After all, a little Truth serum never hurt anyone.

  
  
  
  


He walked back to the group, and perched on the balls of his feet, extending the glass of water to Lana. She accepted it eagerly, and downed it within seconds. 

  
  


"Thanks." She offered absently, as Lex sat down, waving at the returning Clark. "Clark!" She patted the seat next to her invitingly, scowling as he moved next to Lex. 

  
  


"So," Lex looked at his lover. "We still on for Friday?"

  
  


Clark graced the delicious bald man with a bright beam of happiness. "Yeah......we're on."

  
  


"Clark..." Lana simpered next to them, "I thought we could do something Friday night." She pouted -in what Lex supposed was meant to be seductive, but instead looked like a puckered fish- coyly.

  
  


The farmboy shook his head, "Sorry, Lex and I made these plans weeks ago." Well, maybe it had been last night, in bed, after another rousing round of.......*cough*. "Can't change 'em." 

  
  


She frowned, but it quickly turned into a foolish smile. 

  
  


Lex snickered to himself.

  
  


"Clark...I....I......really want to have sex with you." She stammered stupidly. "Really.....I wanna bite your ass."

  
  


Somewhere, crickets chirped loudly.

  
  


"Uhh.....God Lana.....ummm......" The not-so-innocent Clark stuttered, "That's sweet but I-"

  
  


"But I want you!" She whined. "I wanna suck your dick!"

  
  


Commence....chirping.

  
  


"So anyway, about the gay population in Smallville," Chloe started, trying to direct the conversation elsewhere. "It's up to what? Zero now?"

  
  


Clark's attention was drawn away from Lana, much to Lex's tittering relief, and back to what he'd so arduously arguing about before.

  
  


"That's not completely true, Chlo." He took a deep breath, and Lex's mouth tipped at the corner. "I for one, know of a very homosexual couple right here in Smallville, Kansas." 

  
  


"I wanna blow you Clark!"

  
  


Chloe's blonde eyebrows arched upwards, as they all continued to ignore the prattling Lana.

  
  


"Well," Clark started, blushing as he conjured up some bravery from his unending depths. He felt a strong hand caress his shoulder, and looked over at Lex. "Lex and I...we....ummm, we're...."

  
  


"In love." Lex finished, standing up and taking Clark with him, and put an arm around the taller boys waist. "We're in love."

  
  


And again with the crickets. 

  
  


Chloe, Pete, and Lana jumped up -well, the latter stumbled- and stared at the two in shock.

  
  


"What!" The reporter exclaimed. "That's....that's......that's....." She seemed to be at a loss for words, for the first time in her life.

  
  


"I think what Chloe's trying to say is that's great." 

  
  


The finally-out couple turned in shock at the deep voice, and stared at the elder Kents. 

  
  


"Whasgggrnnanehdhhsatyy?" Clark stammered.

  
  


"What my boyfriend's trying to say is thank you." Lex finished again. "Thanks you so much." 

  
  


"But this is Smallviille!" An exasperated voice from behind them cried, "It's =Smallville=!"

  
  


"Well, gee Miss Chloe," A tall man stepped from an amused crowd of adults. "We may be in a small town, but we aren't all small minds." He fiddled with his baseball cap. "Why my brother and his life-partner have been together for twenty some-odd years now." 

  
  


Chloe stared in amazement at Mr. Biggs, "Mr. Biggs I never-" She was cut off by a lanky redhead who's arm was wrapped around a petite blonde.

  
  


"June and I, we've been dating for six months." 

  
  


A few more emerged.

  
  


"I've been with my Harry for two years!" A short, Italian man called.

  
  


A lovely brunette woman stepped forward, "I'm in love with Kara!" 

  
  


"I'm gay!" 

  
  


"I'm a lesbian!" 

  
  


A loud, boisterous -if not too large- group of people surged forward, standing next to their smiling neighbors. 

  
  


And yeah, Lex thought, there were a few unsmiling, decidedly unattractive, grimacing folks who were glaring at the group. There were always a few bad apples in the bunch, but all-in-all their outburst had been received well. 

  
  


Chloe's jaw proceeded to drop lower, until finally Clark lay a hand on her shoulder. 

  
  


"You underestimate people too much, Chloe." He stared down into her shell-shocked eyes, and grinned. "Open your mind a little." 

  
  


She made a wonderful fish imitation as her mouth moved up and down.

  
  


"Wanna get out of here, Lex?"

  
  


"Yeah." 

  
  


They walked off, Clark's parents and the townspeople smiling after them.

  
  


"Have him home by midnight, Lex." 

  
  


They stopped for a moment, and turned, hands entwined. 

  
  


"One? Please?!" Clark pleaded.

  
  


"Clark-" Jonathan started, only to be cut off by his wife.

  
  


"Sure, sweetie!" She beamed at them, "Drive safe, Lex!"

  
  


He nodded, and wrapped an arm around Clark's shoulder. "He'll be home before the pumpkin appears, Mr. Kent." They turned back, and walked over to his car.

  
  


"I am so open-minded, Clark Kent!" Chloe cried belatedly, finally out of her stupor. "I've pictured you and Lex making humping like bunnies countless times!" Then she smiled, remembering a particular fantasy involving many, many manacles.

  
  


And lots and lots of chocolate.

  
  


~Finis~

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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